Vocation
by RedHatMeg
Summary: "Oh, thank God!" Father Lantom replied. "No offense, Matthew, but you would be a horrible priest."


**The inspiration for this fic lies in the notion that every Catholic wonders at least once whenever he/she has a vocation or not. So I started to think how it would be in case of Matt. Did he ever think about becoming a priest?**

 **I know that some of you might not hold priests in highest regard. I personally know some priests and most of them are nice and hardworking people. So here's why I've written about priest in a positive way.**

 **Vocation**

Some people were saying that in every Catholic family there should be at least one priest.

From practical standpoint it made a lot of sense. After all, a lot of respect was coming with being a priest. A priest was a man doing God's work. A priest had power and responsibility to take care of spiritual wellbeing of his lambs, sometimes even organizing little initiatives like charity or education for children. A priest – especially in villages and small towns – was one of the most important persons in whole community. So as a career choice, it wasn't half bad.

But Matt was always told that priests – at least the good ones – didn't become preachers for career or respect. They decided to go this path – the path that, all in all, required also a lot of self sacrifices – because they had a vocation. A higher calling. They felt that God had plans for them and chose them like He chose the first apostles. And just like some people were saying that every Catholic family should have a relative in clergy, they were also saying that most Catholic men at some point wondered if they should become a priests (the same also goes to Catholic women wondering if they should go to the nunnery).

Matt didn't know any Murdock who was a priest. Maybe there was one in where his family came from – Ireland. Or maybe this holy relative was doing some missionary work in Africa or Asia, or South America, or other far place.

Either way, in his early years Matt wasn't thinking about it all that much. He himself dreamed to be a fire fighter, a doctor, even a soldier at some point. The priesthood was something far less interesting than all those professions. You had to write sermons, sit in confessionals and do all those very boring stuff, Matt has regularly seen their vicar doing during the mass.

But the boy did asked his father once what he would say if Matt decided to become a priest. Matt was six back then and didn't know much about priesthood. Either way, Jack looked at him with surprise and after a short moment of silence he said:

"Well… if you think that this is what you want to do… But, Matty, you really have to be sure. Being a priest is not as simple as you think it is."

"I know. You have to remember all the important verses in the Bible…" Matt began, but Jack cut in:

"No, Matty, that is not what I'm saying. Although," He raised his finger. "it's true that you have to learn a lot of things on seminary. Mostly theological stuff. Anyway," The boxer sat in front of his son. "what I want to say is that priests are sometimes sent to foreign countries where they can be hurt. But they have to be there, because people in those countries need someone who will do all those things priests are doing. Also," He added, straightening himself on his chair. "priests can't have wives or children."

"Why?" Matt asked.

"Because they dedicate their lives to God."

"But aren't they sad about it? That they can't have a family?"

"Well," Jack smiled. "they have brothers, sisters and parents. Besides, the parish is their family."

The boy was silent, thinking about what he just heard. This was all new information to him.

"Dad." He spoke again after few seconds.

"Yes, Matty?" Jack looked at him.

"I don't want to be a priest."

"Good." The boxer said. "Because I don't think you would look good in the cassock."

Soon their parish was visited by a priest, who was a missionary in some African village for a few years (Matt couldn't remember in which country it was exactly). This priest came to provide Easter teachings for children in Matt's parish. He told them stories about people living there, about the struggles these people have to face every day… and about his missionary work.

Thanks to these stories, Matt had a better idea of what priests really do. Suddenly it wasn't just rituals and sermons. After all, this one preacher was teaching children, providing humanitarian help and calling neighboring tribes to peace. He learned their language, he rooted himself in their community and got to know their traditions. Yet, he was treated with animosity. Understandable, considering African past with white man and Christianity, but still – he genuinely wanted to help. Not convert, but just help. This teachings changed Matt's perspective and he had a newfound respect for priests as hard working people.

After the accident Matt thought that his job opportunities were slightly limited. He couldn't become a fire fighter or a pilot. There were just professions where good sight was very important. Nevertheless, Jack kept telling him that he could be whoever he wanted to be, if he will work hard enough. And since there were books available in Braille, Matt was a bit more optimistic. Maybe he won't be racing in Formula 1, but he was certain that he could be someone working with his head. Theoretically a priest was somewhere in this category of jobs, howver, Matt – remembering what his dad has told him and what he managed to learn during that fateful Easter teachings – didn't think it was a job for him.

He didn't think he had vocation.

Later, much, much later, in Saint Agnes orphanage Matt learned that – at least according to Catholic Church – there is more than just one vocation. Aside from ordination to priestly ministry, there was also a vocation to become monk or nun, to live in marriage or to live as a single person. These were vocations on the most basic level and soon Matt realized that most people were using this word to describe also gifts and talents in certain areas. People were saying: "This person is a teacher by vocation." or "This man is artist by vocation."

And suddenly, in his teens, Matt found himself wondering what was his vocation. He already knew he wanted to help people, especially people in Hell's Kitchen, but how he wanted to do it? He wondered if he could be a doctor, after all, he learned few things about human anatomy and how to fix minor wounds after every fight of his dad.

Then again – every time he went to the hospital, he couldn't stand the amount of stimuli, so he would probably go crazy after first day of internship.

Well then, maybe he could be a teacher? He liked to learn and he managed to explain to other kids in the orphanage few things. So maybe his vocation was giving children proper education and keep them away from trouble? Good teacher could inspire his students to do better; to _be_ better. And there was no one more in need of protection than kids in schools…

But everybody knew that American educational system was flawed and Matt – as much as he admired the determination and knowledge of his teachers – wasn't sure if this was kind of a job he would be particularly good at. No, as much as Matt liked to learn and help people, being a teacher wasn't his vocation either.

Actually during those high school years, he found himself thinking about priesthood once again. With his desire to help others, clergy seemed to be a natural choice and Matt was sometimes feeling drown to it, one way or another. Maybe a tiny little bit of him heard the higher calling? Maybe he should go to seminary, get ordained to priesthood and become a shepherd in America, or a missionary in one of the far out country that needed priests so badly?

But the thing about vocation to priesthood was that it was always subtle and you were never sure if it was actually a God telling to you that you should choose this path; or if it was just a feeling – a shallow, temporal feeling. One of preachers regularly coming to the orphanage once told Matt that even on seminaries at least half of the candidates were leaving, because they suddenly realized it wasn't for them. In the end, the clerics that were actually ordained, were few, but they could say that their vocation was true.

So teenage Matt decided that if this feeling will come back at the end of his last year of high school then he will take his chance in seminary.

However, it eventually turned out there was no need to check, because Matt finally found his vocation… or at least one of his vocations. He got to the conclusion that if he wanted to help others the best way he could, he have to become a lawyer. In the end, he always knew he wanted to be a lawyer ever since he found this quote by Thurgood Marshall. He wanted to use law to fight for justice – put guilty behind the bars and protect the innocent. That was how law was meant to be. There was so much people, who could use some legal help…

And so Matt put all his mind into getting the scholarship and into Columbia University. There he was studying hard and making plans for his future as an attorney. With every law book, with every conversation with Foggy about their law firm, he was more and more certain that this was what he was supposed to do. This was his vocation. Even his experiences in "Landman and Zack" reassured him in that conviction.

But there was also something else. Something which was coming to him with every echo of Hell's Kitchen's citizens suffering. After all, a man could fight for justice in various ways. And when Matt encountered the pedophile father, he knew that his vocation included also being a vigilante. Maybe even this was what he was meant to be all along. After all, Foggy pointed out to him that he was actually training and preparing for the day he will come out on the street as Man in the Black Mask.

And from the perspective of the last months as a vigilante, Matt was sure that he couldn't be a priest.

But it didn't mean he wasn't thinking about priesthood. He actually found himself contemplating the matter many times in his spare time. And that was because of his relationship (familiarity? closeness? friendship?) with father Lantom. This weird arrangement between the priest and the vigilante. The fact that Daredevil was confessing his sins and looking for moral guidance in this particular shepherd and this shepherd not only was listening to him, but also revealed something about himself once or twice.

Come to think of it, father Lantom was actually a very peculiar priest. A cynical one, but that was to be expected, considering what he has seen. Father Lantom witnessed the cruelty of this world, yet he was still believing in God and he was still a priest. Well, Matt also knew far too well what humans could do to each other and he was also a believer, but the more he was thinking about Lantom and this current situation, the more he was admiring the man.

Matt many times thought that father Lantom had to feel overwhelmed by his own vocation. Overwhelmed by confessions of sins of his parishioners – sins that sometimes were really serious; overwhelmed by what he saw in Rwanda; overwhelmed by evil happening day by day on the streets of Hell's Kitchen; and by the responsibility that was falling upon his shoulders.

Ever since Matt was six, he was getting the impression that priests have a really hard job to do. Especially the missionaries working in foreign, unfriendly for them countries. He had nothing but respect for father Lantom, who was always ready to listen, give him advices and doing his general work on the parish… However, sometimes the lawyer could sense tiredness and resignation in old priest's movements. He couldn't help, but think that father Lantom must have felt old and exhausted by his experiences. And yet he was still going on, doing what his higher calling was ordering him to do – serving God, showing the right path to those who were lost, helping those in need of help. Matt doubted that he could ever be as good shepherd as him.

During one of their meetings at latte, he caught himself contemplating all of those things again. Father Lantom wasn't saying anything about Matt suddenly being silent. They were just sitting in silence and drinking coffee.

"Father." The lawyer finally spoke.

"Yes, Matthew?" The priest asked.

Matt put the cup of latte down in the table.

"I want you to know," He began and gave his host a friendly smile. "that I really appreciate what you're doing."

Matt could sense that father Lantom was surprised by his statement. Nevertheless, after few seconds of silence the priest decided to speak:

"Thank you, Matthew. I'm trying my best."

"Can I also say something else?"

"You can say whatever you want, Matthew… unless it's a blasphemy or a swear word. Then try to be cultural and hold your tongue."

Matt chuckled, but then his smile softened.

"There was a time… you know, father, back in high school… when I was considering to become a priest. But I eventually came to the conclusion that I don't have a vocation."

"Oh, thank God!" Father Lantom replied. "No offense, Matthew, but you would be a horrible priest."

"Oh, how can you say that, father?" Matt asked with falsely offended voice.

"Let's face it: as a priest, you would probably be a vigilante too. So you would preach every Sunday about love and forgiveness, but at night you would be beating up criminals. No, Matthew, you're better off as a lawyer."

Matt smiled and nodded with agreement. Then his smile weakened a little.

"There is one more think I want to say." He took the glasses off and turned in direction where the priest should be sitting. "I think that God made a right choice, when he called you to priesthood, father."

Another moment of silence, caused by a surprise. But this time Matt felt that father Lantom's cheeks… flushed. Nevertheless, the priest took another sip and said nonchalantly:

"Of course He did. He's God."

* * *

 **Also, people - I think I'm starting to specialize with fics about Jack Murdock and father Lantom XD.**


End file.
